As Megan and I have been planning for a church plant, or better yet, as God has been preparing us for a church plant, there have been "moments of clarity" about what we are doing as we continue to move forward. On multiple occasions, God has made it clear to me that we simply cannot do this. We cannot move the Charlottesville, Virginia, meet a bunch of people and start a great church. It's just not something that Megan and I can do. As I think about the vision for this church, I realize that I don't have vision. As we ask people to join us in this great adventure, I realize that I have nothing to invite them to be a part of. As I think about getting a new job, selling a home, buying a new home, starting a new life, building a family, building new relationships, I realize how much I would like to have all of those things, how much I want to have control over when, where and how they happen. I want to dictate the rules of the game so that they can happen as I've designed. I think about all of these things and prepare a plan and try to run through that plan, then as that plan gets changed by various events outside of my sphere of control, I realize how utterly out of control I am. Literally, one thing can happen, a simple event in life, and all the control I thought I had over the "plan" is shown to be something else. The control I think I have over all of these things is an utter illusion.
If I'm out of control, then who is in control. If I have no vision, then who's vision is it? If I have nothing to invite or call people to, then who will call them? If I cannot dictate all of the details and force them to occur, then who really can? Oh, how I try to make it work. Oh, how I try to push my agenda. Oh, how I try to dictate the rules of the game. All of this time and effort is wasted if God is going in a different direction than I am. My illusion of control is revealed when I rely too heavily on myself and not enough on him. God sustains me, he sustains the universe,...heck, he created all of this. God loves me, he cares for me, he wants good things for me. God is powerful, he is the true source of all power, power to make things happen, power to conform things to his good and loving will, power to change lives and move mountains. If I'm not in control, then I sure hope he is.
One thing I know:
he is
Friday, January 06, 2006
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